This Ball Must Be Dodged/Script
In the training room Monger: (shows a video) It is incoming, it is on fire, and it feels neither remorse nor mercy. (flies with his jetpack) It is dodgeball, and so help me, I do love it. Whoo, ha! Throw your ball, don't get hit, anything else goes. Coverton: Anything goes, you say? Link: No rules, just-a the way-a like it. Hope you wanted some big, red, dodge-ball-shaped tattoos on your butt. B.O.B.: Oh ho, that sounds awesome. We should get those. Susan: (raises her hand) Question: if we're gonna play monsters versus aliens dodgeball, shouldn't there be a ball? Monger: What? (floats downwards) I put out three balls before I even called you in here. Where did... Coverton: Commence treachery! (the vornicarn spat out three dodge balls giving two to Sqweep and Sta'abi; Sqweep blasts a dodgeball, Sta'abi hits hers with a spear, and the vornicarn throws his tongue; the balls knockdown Dr. Cockroach and Link) B.O.B.: (has a dodgeball go through him and moves sideways afterwards) Dodge. Susan: Hey, you can't just----We hadn't even started yet. Sqweep: We were very efficient. I drew pictures. (shows the pictures on the screen) (Susan stares at Coverton) Coverton: Anything goes. Monger: (floats by Coverton) That is indeed the name of the game. Link, B.O.B., Doctor, you're out. B.O.B.: Butt tattoo time. Susan: (checks the picture on the screen) Wait, I'm low priority? I'm the stinking team leader. (sees Sqweep, the vornicarn and Sta'abi getting the balls) Oh no you... (Sqweep got a ball) Susan: Ah! (the vornicarn got a ball) Susan: Oof! (Sta'abi got a ball) Susan: (grunts) Dang. Coverton: Nothing personal Susan. We simply took out the real threats first: smartest, Dr. Cockroach: (laughs silently) Guilty. Coverton: strongest, Link: You got that right toes. (flexes himself) Coverton: and most unpredictable. B.O.B.: Dodge. (takes out half of his body) Coverton: Your only power is to make yourself an even bigger target. Of course you'd be the last to pick off. Susan: Last pick. (gets nostalgic) unknown kid (in Susan's mind): For our dodgeball team's last pick, we'll take the practice dummy. Susan: What? But it can't even dodge. unknown kid (in Susan's mind): That makes two of you. Ha ha! Susan: (remembers other kids laughing at her) Elementary school recess. I've been last pick before. It made me angry. Coverton: Yes, well, that's fascinating. We're going to throw balls at you now. Susan: But you know what I did with that anger? I learned to play the heck out of dodgeball. (Sqweep fires his dodgeball, but Susan dodges it; the vornicarn tries to aim for Susan, but jumps away from the ball towards the railing of the next floor, Sta'abi aims at Susan, but she got to the next floor making her dodge the ball and grows to break the air vent to go into) Dr. Cockroach: Wow. Coverton: (pushes Dr. Cockroach) Cheater. I call cheater. Link: Takes one to know one. Coverton: Precisely, I should know. Sqweep: She left the rampage room. Surely that is out-of-bounds. Monger: (flies between B.O.B. and Sqweep) Anything goes. (chuckles) Sta'abi: (grabs a ball) Let the hunt begin. (shouts while shooting lightning) In the hallway (Coverton, Sqweep, Sta'abi, and her vornicarn enters) Sta'abi: Vornicarn come, we must deliver a flaming ball of pain. Coverton: I wouldn't get too worked up. She's all by her lonesome with no dodge ball. (claps and laughs) Susan (in the air vent from the ceiling) Laugh it up bread-head, storms are coming: hundred percent of dodgeball and you ain't got an umbrella. Link: Uh Suze, really freaky when you talk in the walls like that. Susan (in the air vent from the ceiling) Sorry. (drops down towards the floor) Link: Need any help: enemy intel, misinformation, trash talk? B.O.B.: Oh, I've been practicing my insults. (goes to the foreground) Hey, is that a ham, or did your face just----Wait, it's probably just a ham. Are you holding a ham? (goes to Link) Ah, he was just holding a ham. Dr. Cockroach: (walks towards Susan) We may be eliminated, but we are still your teammates. Susan: Right now, I don't have teammates. I have a mission. (puts on her bandana) And this time, it's personal. (runs away from B.O.B., Dr. Cockroach, and Link) B.O.B.: Bye Susan! Play safe. We'll save you some ham. (goes to the foreground) In a different section of the hallway Coverton: (follows Sqweep) Ball at the ready Sqweep; at the ready. There she is, fire! Sqweep: (fires the ball at an employee) Deepest apologies. (puts the ball back on the gun and walks) Coverton: Yes yes, my mista----There she is! Sqweep: (fires the ball at Thompson) Yet again, (puts the ball back on the gun) we are very sorry for this mistake. Coverton: I can't help it if all Earth females look ali----There she is! (Sqweep fires the ball towards Henry) Henry: (falls down and grunts) Ow. Henry ain't a lady. Sta'abi: (snoops by the hallway behind Henry) And that is why we do not strike until we have a confirmed target Vornicarn. (hears her vornicarn growling) Huh, Vornicarn? In the storage room (the vornicarn surrounds Susan with boxes and a wall behind her; the vornicarn tries to fire at Susan, but she dodges the ball; she jumps behind the vornicarn, catches the ball, and throws it on the vornicarn's butt for him to scream) In the hallway (Sta'abi, Sqweep, and Coverton heard the vornicarn) Sta'abi: Vornicarn! (Sta'abi, Sqweep, and Coverton ran to the storage room) In the storage room (Sta'abi, Sqweep, and Coverton entered gasping at the pain the vornicarn had) Link: (entered with Dr. Cockroach and B.O.B.) What's going... (chuckles at the vornicarn and gets worried after Coverton, Sqweep, and Sta'abi stare at him) Sorry, it's just, it's kind of hilarious. Coverton: (reads the note) Now I have a dodge ball. (unfolds the paper and reads that part) Ha, ha, ha. B.O.B.: Way to go Susan. Link: One down, three to go. Coverton: You have no of proving this was Susan. Uh, perhaps it was an industrial accident. (the vornicarn shows his tongue with a piece of paper on it) Coverton: (reads the note) Sincerely, Susan. "Heart." P.S. You're next. Monger: (goes between Coverton and Sta'abi) Vornicarn, you're out. (the vornicarn lies on his side) Link: (fist-bumps with B.O.B.) Heh. Dr. Cockroach: Someone insulted the wrong lady. Sta'abi: (gets angry while screaming, throws the pieces of paper on her vornicarn, and burns them with electricity from her spear) Su'usan, heed the squaring of Sta'abi. This ball will taste the flesh of your soft Earth belly. Susan (in the air vent): Nuh-uh. Link: (walks over to Sta'abi) I know, wall talking. Totally freaky, right? (Sta'abi hits Link with her spear, takes the cover out of the air vent with electricity, and goes in the air vent) In the air vent Sta'abi: (runs while trying to find Susan; looks at the hole above her) Ha! (hasn't spot Susan and clombs up the hole) Ah! (walks pass Henry and throws a dodge ball at him thinking it was Susan) Henry: (gets hit by a ball and grunts) Not a lady! (Susan appears behind Sta'abi and throws the ball at her, but Sta'abi dodges and gets her ball; Susan and Sta'abi jumps down from the air vent) In the hallway (Sta'abi lands on the ground while she faces Susan in a duel; tense music is played) B.O.B.: (wears a sombrero and sings as if he was a crowd) Wow, wow, whoa! (Sta'abi and Susan threw their balls, but they bounced away from each other; they started running towards each other and throwing their balls, but Susan went over Sta'abi's ball) Sta'abi: (ducks under Susan's ball and does half a somersault) Ah! (hits the crates with her head, wakes up from a headache, and sees punch on the floor) Hm, the target is wounded. Good. In the mess hall (Sta'abi follows the trail of borsch to the chef) chef: Tuesday, I make the borsch. (Sta'abi grunts and takes her ball with her; Susan comes out of the borsch and throws her ball at Sta'abi while spilling borsch) chef: (talks in slow-motion) My borsch. (climbs over the table) (the borsch splatters in the background behind Susan as she walks; Sta'abi grunts while feeling pain) Monger: (enters) Sta'abi, you're out. (snickers and talks softly) I love my dodgeball. (leaves) Sta'abi: Ooh. Susan: I'm coming for you Coverton, and dodgeball's coming to me. (tries to take the balls, but sees them floating away from her) Huh? Coverton: (enters with Sqweep on its scooter and grabs the two balls) Oh dear, guess who's got all the spherical projectiles again. In your face Susan. (grunts, threw the balls he carried near his feet, grabbed Sqweep's ball, and hit Sqweep with the ball while trying to aim for Susan) Do over? (Susan growls and tries to take the balls) Coverton: (levitates the three balls) Oh! (floats away with Sqweep and the three balls) In the hallway Sqweep: I believe we are losing now. Coverton: Unacceptable. I refuse to be defeated by one human woman with a simple (has two balls fall on his hand) rubber orb. Ooh, devious idea alert. Sqweep: Proceed. Coverton: Surely, a child genius like you could find some way to weaponize these dodge balls, hm? Sqweep: (stops its scooter) That sounds dangerous. Coverton: (stopped with Sqweep) Well then I suppose we'll just have to admit she's outsmarted us. Sqweep: (glows its antennae red showing anger) I am on it. Later on in a different section of the hallway Sqweep: (gets out of its room without the scooter, but with Coverton) We really should do a full lab test before taking these into the field. Coverton: No time. She could be anywhere. (Sqweep's ball glows purple as Susan tries to get a ball from Coverton) Susan: (lands on Coverton's head and tries to dodge Sqweep's ball) Ah! (jumps off the wall while avoiding the ball while grunting) Coverton: Ah, Susan. I see you've met our first modified dodge ball: a human-seeking missile I call "Bash Susan-hunter". (laughs) (Susan tries to dodge the previous ball from before) Coverton: Oh look, and here's his twin brother, Zippy Fast-o. (drops the ball) Susan: (tries to dodge the two balls aiming for her) Ah! (grunts) Sqweep: Increasing acceleration with each impact. Not even you can dodge it forever. Susan: Ah! (grunts) (Coverton laughs and Susan grows to Ginormica size to hit one of the dodge balls towards the other causing them to both deflated when impacted) Coverton: (laughs and sees his non-defalted taken by Susan in human size) No! Sqweep: I forfeit. (runs away from Susan) (Susan throws one of the defalted balls under Sqweep) Sqweep: (trips) Ah! (lands on its head) Dodge. Susan: I don't play for forfeits. Monger: (enters the section with Dr. Cockroach, Link, and B.O.B. while using his jetpack) Sqweep, you're out. (turns around) Nicely aimed, Susan. Susan: I aim to make you hurt (tries to throw the ball at Coverton) Coverton: Uh uh uh uh, not so fast Susan. You're still holding my ultimate backup plan. I call him, "Boom, boom, wah! (explosion) Bye bye." (the ball Susan's holding glows purple) Coverton: If you throw that ball, (shows a screen with an explosion in it) the ensuing explosion will vaporize everything within a fifty-mile radius. Dr. Cockroach: Coverton, you maniac. Coverton: Oh calm your antennae, she's not going to throw it. She has no choice but to give it up and declare me the winner. (laughs) Isn't that right, Susan? Susan: (spins the ball on her finger and catches it while doing a pose) Boom. (Coverton screams while trying to float away from Susan) Link: Wait a minute. When did we go from crazy awesome to crazy crazy? In the rampage room Coverton: (enters and tries to a different to escape Susan while groaning and screaming, but found the gates being locked and then whimpers when he sees Susan entering) I surrender, you win! It's not worth exploding over. Susan: I told you, I don't play for foreits. (Coverton quivers in fear) Monger: (enters with Dr. Cockroach, B.O.B., and Link) Back it down Ginormica. That is an order. Susan: Try and stop me. (Monger and Link tried to stop Susan, but she ducked under them) Coverton: Curse your expertly honed dodging skills. (Dr. Cockroach tries to block Susan, but she avoid his attack) B.O.B.: (blocks Susan) Susan, I know you think this will heal the trauma of being last pick. But will it; will it really? Susan: Yes. B.O.B.: Wow, that's great! (steps aside) You go right ahead then sister. Coverton: Stop her you mindless goo-bag! (B.O.B. tries to grab Susan, but she jumps and then threw the ball to B.O.B. causing it to replace his eyeball; Susan throws the eyeball, Link spat out Monger, and the eyeball hits Coverton) Susan: (grabs B.O.B.'s eyeball) Who's last pick now, chump? Monger: Coverton, you're out! Victory, (raises Susan's arm) Team Monster, but mostly Susan. Coverton: What? But but she can't do that. That was an eyeball. (Dr. Cockroach moon walks and then spins around) Link: Anything goes. (mimics record scratching on Coverton's head) (the ball explodes in B.O.B. making him belch) Susan: (brings B.O.B. his eyeball) Sorry B.O.B., I needed a loaner. Forgive me? B.O.B.: You (takes his eyeball) monster. (grunts) Wait, sorry: (puts his eyeball back in place) mixing up words again. You the monster. Yeah, go Susan. (B.O.B. and Susan in slow motion try to high-five each other as Monger, Sqweep, Dr. Cockroach, Link, Coverton, Sta'abi, and her vornicarn sing Beethoven's Symphony No. 9) Category:Scripts